One Mistake
by swarley and sparkles 5ever
Summary: <html><head></head>(Previously titled How I Became A Mother) The year is 2030, Robin has sat down her kids and is telling them the story of how one raunchy night in 2011 led to the life she lives now. AU takes place in season 7.</html>
1. Orange Seed: The Choice

**This story is going to be split up into multiple parts that chart the growth of the baby. Each part many have anywhere from 1 to 5 or more chapters. **

**Current Rating: T (I'm hoping this doesn't change, but who knows ...)**

_****Disclaimer: This story deals with the sensitive and controversial issue of abortion. If you have any problems with the open discussion of termination as an option, this story is NOT for you. Do NOT come to me complaining about it, because I will NOT entertain any debates of any kind. This is MY story, I will write it as I please. You have been warned. ** **_

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><p><em>Year 2030<em>

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><p><em>Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story, the story of how I became a mother. It started back in late Fall of 2011, my life was not what you'd call ideal, I was having more than a few problems. I'd recently started working at WWN, and was feeling completely underappreciated, no one took me seriously because of my past indiscretions. To top it off, I had recently cheated on my boyfriend at the time – Kevin – with your father. Like I said, it was a rough time.<em>

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><p><em>Thanksgiving 2011<em>

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><p><em>Hold it together Scherbatsky.<em>

There's a teary eyed woman standing in the mirror before me, and she ss a mess. Her blue eyes are almost violet with tears, her nose red-rimmed, and her hair a tangled nest of curls. I run the cold water, splash it on my face, and hope it will get rid it of it's splotchiness.

I look down at the small plastic stick in my hand, the little smiley face staring at me; mocking me. It's laughing at the shitty position I put myself in, laughing at how careless and irresponsible I'd been. How dare I have the audacity to test the waters? To risk my body. And for what? Fifteen minutes of decent sex? Okay, that wasn't true, it was Barney. So, more like forty minutes of kinky, amazing, aerobic sex. But still, meaningless sex.

The plastic stick is like concrete in my hands, weighing me down, pulling me into my own grave. How am I going to tell Barney? And then there is Kevin, poor sweet Kevin. He doesn't even know that I'd cheated on him, I had tried to tell him and he hit me with the three scariest words in the English language.

_I love you._

The man is a psychiatrist for crying out loud, _my _ former psychiatrist, you'd think he would at least be so perceptive as to see what was going on. The crazy part is, I think he did. I think he knew exactly what Barney and I had done, the way we'd tainted both of our relationships with a few orgasms. Yet he let it slide, he still loves me anyway, and that makes this all the harder. It's not fair.

_It's not like we meant to hurt anyone, it just happened. _

God, that's just about the worst cliché of them all, but its also the truth. I laugh ironically at the pee covered stick in my hand. It is all a big cliché, like something out of a movie. Its pathetic, really. The sad girl in a sexless relationship seduces her best friend/ex/biggest womanizer she knows, only to get knocked up. What's next, we run off together, buy a house in the 'burbs and raise the kid? _As if._

This is _Barney_, we're talking about. His reaction isn't going to be toss a ring on my finger, and throw one hell of a shotgun wedding. (Being that both Barney and I are Canadian they're would probably be actual shotguns.) He's going to pray that the pee stick is a false positive. He'll probably test the paternity a dozen times, and then disappear to some tropical island before he ever so much as sees a sonogram. Barney is about as far from being a father as I am from being a mother.

My stomach tightens, I sit done on the cool ceramic tiles to keep my lunch from coming back up. _Mother. _That word is enough to make me entire body tense up. Because having a crappy childhood with an insensitive father and barely present mother wasn't enough, now I have to toss my baggage behind me and try not to recreate my parents' mistakes.

Like I said, how ironic.

There's a knock at the bathroom door that nearly gives me a heart attack.

"Robin, honey? You okay? You've been in there a while."

Lily's tender motherly tone spills in through the wooden door. Sweet, sweet, pregnant Lily. She and Marshall had wanted the baby in her belly for so long. They planned it for years, tried for months with no success, until finally, it happened. The two were overjoyed, we all were. They've loved that baby since before it even existed, they've been parents long before Lily started shopping in the maternity section.

Marshall and Lily are the couple you dream about growing up to be part of. They're the fairytale soulmates from every story of your childhood. The idea of them having a curly haired, freckle-spotted tot, crawling around, made even Barney shed a tear.

I grimace as I imagine telling her the news. I don't want to know her reaction, it will probably be disappointment mixed with pity. That's the problem with being best friends with half of the world's best couple, no matter what happens, you know you can never live up to that standard. Don't get me wrong, I love Marshall and Lily more than myself most days, but that doesn't stop me from feeling inferior. Lily doesn't usually pass judgment, but Marshall has never shied away from calling _slut_. I think of all the horrible things he'd think, and suddenly I'm light-headed.

"Robin? I'm coming in."

Panic courses through my veins as I hear the doorknob jiggle. Shoving the pee stick into my purse (_gross_), I stand up, perhaps a little too fast. The room spins, and I grasp onto the sink for support.

"Lil, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." My voice is shaking and on the verge of cracking, I sound almost as poorly as I feel. I know Lily can sense it, she can hear that I'm not okay, but like Kevin she lets it go. "Okay, well we want to leave soon so try not to be too long."

"Got it." I call out in the same weak tone.

I hear her footsteps get quieter as she walks away from the door. I turn on the faucet water to drown out my sobs, and slump into a ball on the bathroom floor. _Why does everyone leave?_ It seems to me as though everyone in my life, whether they know something is wrong or not leaves me alone. Most of the time that's what I want, I have always been an extremely independent person, and solitude it nice. However, on those rare days when I want nothing more than a hug or a hand on my back telling me everything is okay, that solitude can feel awfully lonely.

I place one hand on my still flat belly, on top of my white blouse. There could be a life in there, one that could possibly be that person for me. One that will love me unconditionally and think of me as the greatest person ever. I smile, and then I catch myself.

I remove my hand and scowl. _How dare you?_ I shout to the maternal part of me that I never knew existed. _How dare you use a brand new life as a source of fulfilling some personal void. _I'm disgusted with myself, I feel the bile creeping back up my throat.

_I can't have this baby. I can't be a mother._

The pain of the truth hits me like a load of bricks, knocking out air from my lungs and replacing it with some sense. It's my body, my choice, and I know what's best for the thing growing inside me. I swallow back tears, realizing what I have to do. Barney doesn't want to be a father, and I don't want to be a mother. We both got pretty messed up by our own, and god knows what kind of psychological damage this poor kid would endure with us raising it. All of this is assuming that Barney even sticks around after I tell him that one of his swimmers got the gold.

_Termination is my only option. _


	2. Orange Seed: Confrontation

**I've been really busy with the rewrite and school work, and since this is a more long term story, it will probably take a backseat to the other stuff I've got going on. But, I have had this chapter written for a long time now, and I couldn't wait any longer to post it, so I finished it up, and revised it. I don't know the next time I'll update this, but hopefully it will be soon (?). Regardless, thank you to everyone who's commented/followed/favorited this story, this format is very different from my previous stories so its been a nice little challenge. Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling now and let you read. **

**Read, review, and enjoy! :) **

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><p>I settle into the backseat of Marshall and Lily's four door sedan, and mentally prepare myself for the hour long journey to Long Island. With a baby on the way, Lily and Marshall decided that a house in the suburbs was best for Baby Aldrin-Eriksen. For the past week I'd been trying to convince them otherwise, but to no avail. They were adamant about leaving, and I was miserable.<p>

Ted, Barney and I have always been close, but with the situation I'm currently in, I need Marshlily more than ever before. They're my rock, the only thing that keeps me sane through everything.

Lily turns around, and looks at me in the backseat. Her concerned smile, pulls me out of my thoughts. "Robin, are you sure you're okay?" Marshall looks away from the road and at the rearview mirror, making eye contact with me, he too flashes a pity filled grin. They are so in sync its almost creepy. I respond, unconvincingly, "Yeah. I'm fine."

Marshall's gaze lingers for a second, but then he looks back at the road. Lily places her hand on my knee, "Not living in the city is going to be a struggle for all of us," She places her other hand on her protruding belly, "but we have to do what's best for our baby."

I nod, "I know."

"But you're welcome to stay with us whenever you want." Lily adds, and suddenly she is beaming.

"Oh, yeah, Robin, it's going to be great. I think you're going to love the house." Marshall chimes in.

Lily looks over at her husband, and I can feel the warmth of their happiness. "Okay." I say with a fake smile. Lily moves her hand from my leg, and intertwines her fingers with Marshall's. He kisses the back of her hand, and my heart sinks into my stomach.

_I can't tell them._

They are so sickeningly happy, so oblivious to everything around them, I can't be the one who bursts that bubble. As people, Marshall and Lily are pretty open-minded and accepting, so in theory I know they'd support my decision to terminate. But as I look at them from the backseat of this very suburban car, I know that right now they're not just people, they're parents. Whether they want to or not, they are now a biased party. Trying to see this from my position will be like asking a dog to see in color. Impossible.

We finally arrive at the Long Island house, and the moment I step through the door, I can see it. A cluster of red-haired children running amuck, chasing a large dog through the living room, as Lily watches from behind her easel. Through the white doors that lead to the large yard, I can see Marshall teaching their pack of kids football, while Lily cheers from the sidelines, and infant strapped to her hip. I look over at my best friends on either side of me, and I know they can see it too. I sigh in defeat, this is where they are supposed to be.

The overwhelming sense of loss cascades over me, I'm six years old, and my parents are getting divorced all over again. I'm losing them.

"I'm never coming out!" I cry as I run into the bathroom and lock myself in. It's irrational, and I'm aware of that, but it's the only way I can cope.

Staring at the pee stick in my hand, I close my eyes, and try to see it. A chubby blond baby, my wispy curls, and Barney's bright blue-grey eyes. His snow white skin is soft, and his full pink lips are covered in drool. That same baby, now a little older, holds onto Barney's hand tightly as they walk through Madison Square Garden. The small boy with wild blond curls is wearing a Canucks Jersey identical to mine, the three of us take our seats, it's his first Hockey Game. Years pass, he's dressed in the finest suit money can buy, his curls covered with a tasseled cap, Barney and I pose beside him. We wear large proud smiles, as our son holds up his diploma.

A drop of water hits my hand and I'm pulled from my daydream. I look up, searching for the source of this leak, until I realize it's me. Placing the pee stick back in my small purse, I wipe at my eyes with the back of my hand. A sudden tap on the window nearly gives me a heart attack.

Marshall smiles at me, I open the window, and he hands me a red plate of cheese and crackers. Sitting on the edge of the tub, I stare at the cheese plate, focusing on cutting myself a piece. I can feel his eyes on me, searching for the source of my pain. Marshall doesn't pry, when I tell him I don't want to talk about it, he respects that, and changes the topic. Its not long before he's gone, and I'm alone again, fantasizing about a child I never wanted, a child I know I won't have.

I hear commotion from outside the bathroom, and press my ear to the door, leaving the cheese plate on the edge of the sink. Barney and Ted must've just arrived, I can hear their voices in the other room, but can't make out what they're saying. Lily's voice chimes in, her tone is angry, or confused. The front door closes and Barney's voice is gone, Ted and Lily continue to speak indistinctly. Their voices fade, they've moved further away. I am about to move my ear away from the door when an unfamiliar sound takes me by surprise. A pained moan, like that of a small animal, or a _baby_.

_You're losing it, Scherbatsky._

I step away from the door, returning to the cheese plate. Absentmindedly, I play with the knife, scraping it against the small block of cheese. I'm in the bathroom for what feels like hours, its comforting in a very odd way. At this point, I don't want to leave, I'm content here, stewing in my misery and avoiding reality.

There is another tap on the window, I look over and my heart stops. The sideways smile that could make countless women's panties drop, the cool confident posture, and then, the bright blue-greys eyes of my fantasy baby. I open the window once more, my hands moving shakily. I sit on the edge of the tub. Barney squeezes his tall frame in through the window, and takes a seat beside me.

"Are we still friends?" He asks hesitantly.

"I hope so." I reply with a smile, hoping that it hides the fear in my eyes.

"Good." Barney smiles at me, and I catch a glimpse of our child. I shake it off as his expression hardens again, his usual crass tone of voice returning. "Can you believe, Ted almost adopted a baby?"

_At least I know I wasn't imagining that cry._

I reassure myself, but its only seconds before he drops another bombshell. "And he tried to rope me into it," I scan his face, trying to gauge his reaction. "Crazy, huh?"

_Not really._

I look away, I don't want to know what he's going to say next. I know it will hurt too much.

"Can you imagine me being someone's _dad_?"

_You might be. _

_"_I'm pregnant_." _I can't stop the words, they tumble out into the air, relieving me of their weight. I feel his eyes on me and look back at him, fearfully. Looking in his eyes, I can see it already, the walls are being put up, he's getting on the defensive, I wait for him to deny it.

"Are you sure you're not just getting fat?"

The question evokes an angry reaction from me. I stare at him in disgust, and punch him square in the jaw, knocking Barney to the ground. Standing over him, I wait for him to get up.

He stands back up, and looks at me. "So, you're pregnant?"

I nod, still waiting for the reply I know he's going to give.

"Huh." He checks me out, and I feel like an animal on display. "Looks, like no one told your boobs."

The sarcastic remark isn't what I expected, I punch him again, and Barney falls to the floor.

"What happened? Did I pass out?" His fake disorientation is no longer amusing, I want a real reaction. I lift my fist threatening, and his entire body recoils. "Please, stop hitting me!" Barney's tone is that of a frightened child, I sigh and put my hand down.

Barney stands up, and looks at me, I can see the walls he's put up slowly melting away as the reality of my words sink. "Are you—are you sure you're …" He stutters, Barney can't even say the word.

I remove the pee stick from my purse, and I place it in his hand, "Its positive."

Barney looks at it, then looks up at me, "Gross, you peed on this!" He gives it back, and I roll my eyes at his childishness.

"I'm going to go to the doctor Monday to be sure, but until then," My gaze turned threatening, "not a word of this to _anyone_."

Barney looks at me with confusion, "Not even Kevin? I mean, its probably his."

I cringe slightly at the name, I have been thinking about him as minimally as possible since I found out. I sigh, and tell Barney the truth, "Kevin and I haven't had sex yet."

His eyes widen in shock, in any other situation, he probably would've mocked me for this fact, instead he looks almost relieved.

"If I am pregnant …" I drag out the sentence, "you're the dad."

The words hang in the air between us, like a thick cloud of smoke. I feel my chest tighten, Barney Stinson as the father of my child, I want to laugh at how ridiculous it all is, but then he says the last three words I'd ever expect to hear from him.

"That … is … _wonderful_." There is no hint of sarcasm in his voice, no fake smile on his lips, just pure genuine excitement on his face.

"What?" I ask, this isn't the response I'm anticipating.

"I'm going to be a daddy!" His smile widens, and the edges of my vision twinkle.

_Barney and I are having a baby._

My vision tunnels, and I can no longer hear what Barney's saying. The room spins on its side, and everything turns to black.


	3. Orange Seed: Confirmation

**A/N: I couldn't help myself, I've literally been doing nothing but thinking about this story. But, Kayla, you ask, don't you have responsibilities? Aren't you a college student? To which I respond, HAAAHAAHAAAHAHAA I don't care. :) Seriously though, I'm having so much fun with this, like I literally wrote all 2100+ words of this chapter (yes this is the longest so far), within a couple of hours. I actually write more of it at work :x Let me know if putting off my responsibilities, school work and chores paid off :) **

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><p>When I regain consciousness, he's there, looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes, he's concerned, but underneath it is still the same genuine happiness.<p>

_I think I'm going to be sick. _

Barney helps me to my feet, and I hold onto his arms for dear life. His strong, muscular arms. I remember exactly what they look like underneath that suit, I can still visualize the veins that pop out, the way they tighten around my body, pressing us closer together than physically possible. I catch myself staring at him dreamily, and blood rushes to my cheeks, burning my skin. I stare at my shoes, and drop my hands. Barney tilts his head down, to look at me.

"You okay?"

I nod, "Yeah. Maybe, we should um…" I point to the door, I can't think of the words, my mind is paralyzed.

Barney understands, "Sure. You go out first." He smiles kindly, and hands me my purse.

"Okay. And remember—"

"Not a word to anyone." Barney mimes locking his mouth with a key and tossing the key over his shoulder.

A sigh of relief leaves me, I hug him half-heartedly, my head is still spinning.

Aside from dodging Lily's prying eyes, the rest of Thanksgiving goes off without a hitch. The following evening, its just Barney and I at the bar.

I stare at my phone, checking my emails, and I can feel his gaze on me. Its not the usual stare I get from Barney, the stare that feels like he's mentally undressing me, its warmer and much more intimidating. I look up at him and see the doe-eyed "Ted" look on his face.

Placing my phone down on the table I groan, "What?"

Barney blinks, as if being pulled out of a trance. "Nothing." He says, but he's smiling.

"I need a drink." I mutter, as I stand up.

Barney gets up as well, "Nope, you sit down. I'll get us drinks."

I roll my eyes, and agree begrudgingly.

When Barney returns, he has two Scotch glasses in his hands, and I'm feeling grateful.

"One Scotch for me, and an ice tea in a rocks glass for Mommy!" His tone is enthusiastic, and much louder than necessary.

I give him a dirty look, and shush him.

_Mommy?!_

The title is not one that suits me, in fact, I feel nauseated at the mere thought of it. I press the cool glass to my lips. To my surprise the amber liquid is strong and smooth, it sends a familiar burn to the back of my throat. I close my eyes, enjoying every second of it.

"Oops," Barney says after tasting his own drink, "I think I gave you the wrong one."

I feel his hand pulling on my glass, but I refuse to look at him. Instead I stare at the delicious, aged Scotch in my hands. Being pregnant means giving up some of the things I love the most, alcohol, cigars, sushi. I can't give it to him, giving up this Scotch is giving up my freedom. But Barney is persistent, he stands his ground.

"Give it." He commands, and I resist, that is until I look up at him.

The moment our eyes meet, I know that he's doing what's best for our potential child. With a sigh, I release my hold on the glass, allowing him to switch our drinks. I take a sip from the non-alcoholic beverage in front of me, and frown.

"God, Barney, why are you so happy about this?" I ask, there is no attempt to hide the annoyance in my voice.

If he'd been behaving how I expected, it would make everything so much easier. Barney is supposed to be upset about this, he is supposed to tell me we can't have a kid. Instead, he's supportive, and encouraging, two things I don't need right now. Right now, I need Cruel Barney, the guy who runs away from his problems, and only cares about himself.

"Because this is perfect! I want to be a dad."

I am tempted to punch him right in his adorable face. "This is _not_ good news. I have a boyfriend." I remind him.

"Yeah, but if Kevin wasn't around –"

I cut him off, "It doesn't matter!"

I'm furious and I'm not sure who my anger is directed to, Barney or myself. "I don't want kids. I have never wanted kids, and never in a million years will I ever want kids."

The look on his face is that of a scolded puppy, I fight against my instinct to comfort him. "I can't have a baby." I say, reinforcing my previous statement.

Barney shakes his head slightly, the weight of my words sinking in. "Robin, are you saying –"

"I'm saying that I'm considering all my options." My voice is firm, cold and emotionless. I can see that I am breaking his heart, again.

_Way to go, Scherbatsky. Reject the guy twice in a month. _

Ignoring the voice in my head, I take a sip from the sweet iced tea in my glass and grimace at the lack of alcohol in it.

"And by options you, mean—" Barney looks like he's going to be sick, he can't say the word that we are both thinking.

"Yes." I say, answering the question he hasn't asked.

He nods, and his expression hardens, all signs of emotion wiped clean. Barney takes a sip from his Scotch, finishing it. "Great." He says, there is an emptiness in his eyes, and a hollowness to his voice. "Babies suck."

"Look, Barney if you're not okay with this—"

"Are you kidding? Me? Come on, who loves being single more that Barney Stinson? No one."

"So you're okay?"

"Okay? Robin, I'm awesome." He smiles half-heartedly, and leaves the booth to get himself another drink. I stare down at my own half empty glass, feeling an unwarranted sense of guilt.

Barney returns to the booth, and I'm expecting him to make a crude remark about the busty woman who's just walked past us. Instead his voice is serious again, his cold demeanor washing away for a brief instant. "Just so we're clear, even if you don't keep it, you're still going to the doctor Monday. Right?"

"Of course. I still have to confirm the pregnancy."

"And this doctor's appointment … would it be okay with … I mean, am I allowed to … um …." Barney looks flustered, and I'm surprised to see he doesn't know what to say, for once.

"Do you wanna come?" I'm taken aback by his sudden interest.

"Well, you know, if you need me to." He casually slips back into a nonchalant attitude, but his eyes remain those of an eager child. "You know, moral support. Or whatever."

I smile at him, "Sure, you can come." He tries to hide the smile forming at the corner of his lips, with no success.

I look at him, and just as I had on Thanksgiving, I see our life as parents. Except this time, the child is a little girl. Her long blond hair is tied back in two pigtails, bouncing behind her as she runs. She giggles as Barney chases her playfully on the playground, "Monster!" She screeches in a high pitched voice. Barney pulls her close to him, and tickles her until she is laughing so hard she can't speak. I approach them, "Mommy!" the girl calls out, her blue eyes smiling at me.

Barney's eyes catch mine, and the image before me fades. I blink twice, and I'm still staring at those deep blue eyes, except now, we are back at MacLaren's. Our friends join us at the booth, and my hypothetical life with Barney vanishes.

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><p><em>Monday Morning<em>

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><p>Dr. Sonya leaves the room, with a sample of my urine in a small plastic cup. I sit on the exam table, tapping my fingers impatiently. Barney stands beside me, he seems anxious, there is an atmosphere of awkward impatience between us.<p>

"So …" he says, shattering the silence in the room. "You had to pee in a cup?"

I nod, "Yup."

"Was that weird?"

_No, but this question is._

I give him a confused look. "What?"

"Well, you know, because you can't like aim."

"Why would you think that women can't aim?"

"Wait .. you can? How does that work?"

Before I can answer, the door opens, and Dr. Sonya returns. She's holding my medical file, and I hold my breath.  
>.<p>

_"Ms. Scherbatsky, you," She points to me, " are not pregnant."_

_I jump up, Barney presses play on his iPod, filling the room with celebratory music. We high five, and dance excitedly. Cheering and singing, Dr. Sonya can't help but join in as well._  
>.<p>

"Ms. Scherbatsky," Dr. Sonya's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, "you _are_ pregnant."

I feel tears prick at the back of my eyes, I don't look at Barney, but I feel his hand grab mine, he squeezes it tightly.

"Shit." I mutter under my breath.  
>.<p>

My mind is racing, and I can feel the lump in my throat getting larger, crushing my windpipe, straining my voice. "Are you sure?"

Dr. Sonya nods, "The test I used is 99.7% accurate. If you'd like, we could run some more tests, some blood work, but that could take days to get results."

_Days? I need to know now._

"Unless," Dr. Sonya adds, "I could do a sonogram now. However, it may be too early to see anything, so I don't want you to get your hopes up."

I agree to the sonogram, and Dr. Sonya leaves me with a paper gown, and instructions to remove all of my clothing. Once she's gone, I look over at Barney, my hand is still in his. I move my hand from his, and he smiles at me awkwardly.

My eyes move from him to the door, indicating that he has to leave.

"I should, uh. .." Barney points to the door, and I nod silently.

When Barney and Dr. Sonya return, I'm wearing the hideous paper coral gown. I sit at the edge of the exam table, more nervous than I care to admit. Barney walks to the other side of the room, beside me.

"You sure you want me in here?" He asks.

I think about it for a moment, usually I'd be mortified to have anyone, especially Barney in the room for this. But as of right now, his presence is oddly comforting.

"I'm sure."  
>.<p>

The small black screen displays a fuzzy gray picture, I wince slightly as she readjusts the sonogram. I squint at the screen and see nothing, it isn't until Barney says, "Is that-?" while pointing at the computer, that I realize what I'm looking at. There's a black shadow, and inside, is the smallest gray dot I've ever seen.

_No way. That can't be it. There is no way that gray dot is a person._

A few seconds later, a loud, garbled sound comes through the speakers. Dr. Sonya smiles at me, and presses a few buttons on the computer.

"Congratulations, you are definitely pregnant." She hands me a polaroid looking photo with the same image as the screen.

I gaze over at Barney, but he's still staring at the screen, his face is a combination of excitement and fear.

"That's a heartbeat, right?" He questions.

"Yes, it is. Judging by the size of the fetus I'd say you're no more than five and a half - six weeks. Its rare that we hear a heartbeat that's so clear this early on, but it appears that your baby is a strong one."

Dr. Sonya looks up and sees the complete lack of expression on my face and stops talking. She removes the sonogram, and asks to meet us in her office, whenever we are ready.

Barney walks over to the computer monitor, he tilts his head sideways and points to the screen, "I bet it's a boy. I know its probably too soon to tell, but that is totally a penis." He looks at the screen a little longer before turning to face me.

Tears pour from my eyes before I can stop them.

"Robin?" He stands beside me, and I sit up. Barney grabs my hand.

"I can't have a baby." I say breathlessly.

His face falls, I see him immediately try to hide his disappointment, but with little success. Neither of us say another word. Instead he pulls me into his embrace, rubbing my back soothingly.


	4. Blueberry: Decision

**A/N: I was supposed to update Until Time Runs Out, but I didn't get a chance to write this weekend, and I figured since I've had this chapter written for a long time, I may as well post it. Enjoy! :) (Also, I want to rename this story, so if you have any suggestions, please let me know). **

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><p><em>Robin, are you okay? We miss you. :(<em>

The text from Lily stares at me, I delete the message without replying, and suppress all feelings of guilt. I grab the thick duvet on my bed and cover my head with it, creating a cocoon for myself. A quick knock on the door interrupts my sulking, I groan as I toss the covers off of me and get up.

"Ted, I swear if you're going to try and cheer me up its—"

I open the door, and Barney is standing there, he's holding a box of butterscotch candies.

"Barney." He smiles at me, and I realize how awful I look. "Why don't you, umm … give me a minute?" I close the door in front of him, and rush to change.

I run a brush through my knotted hair, and slip into something other than the tattered sweats I'd worn for the past three days.

When I walk into the living room, Barney's sitting on the couch, sipping a beer. He places it on the coffee table, and stands up when he sees me.

"Robin, are you—"

"Still pregnant? Yes." I say, finishing the question and answering it.

"Good to know. But I was going to ask if you were okay …"

"Oh."

"None of us have heard from you for a week. Ted said you've been stuck in your room, you've been missing work. What's going on, Scherbatsky?"

"What's going on?" I ask incredulously, and Barney nods, ignorant to the stupidity of his question.

_Did he seriously just ask me that?!_

_"_What's _going on_ is you knocked me up, Barney. I've been puking my guts up for the past two weeks, I need to pee every three hours, and my boobs hurt too much to even wear a bra half the time. That's what's _going on_."

He smirks at the boob comment, but knows better than to say anything.

"And to make matters worse, I have a _boyfriend_. One who really loves me, and what am I supposed to say? _Hey, Kevin, remember Barney? Yeah well his sperm is currently taking residence in my uterus. Hope you don't mind._"

Barney's expression changes, he's looking at me with those weird "Ted" eyes again.

"What?" I demand.

"You—you're keeping the baby?"

"I-I— uh," The question throws me off guard, ever since the visit with Dr. Sonya, I had avoided all thought of this. "I can't."

He drops his eyes from mine.

"I can't have a baby, Barney." My voice is apologetic.

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

He wears a torn expression, Barney scrunches his eyebrows together as if he's concentrating on something. His characteristic forehead creases deepen with thought. "Why are you making this choice?"

"I can't have a baby." I repeat sternly.

"I know, you keep saying that, but—" He hesitates, then takes a step close to me. "Why not? What's stopping you?"

"I've never wanted kids, Barney." I'm seething, I ball up my fists, and convince myself not to lose my cool. "I have a career to focus on, I have other priorities, I can't have a baby."

He considers it for a minute, "No, Robin, that's not it."

I make a noise of disgust and turn my back to him, I walk into the kitchen and grab myself a bottle of water.

_Who does Barney think he is, telling me what I can and cannot do to my body? When did he gain any smidge of a moral compass? _

_"_Robin," He calls after me, saying my name with the kind of ferocity in his voice that makes me want to rip off his clothes and straddle him on the sofa.

_Cool it, Scherbatsky, this is why you're pregnant._

I scoff at my own joke, and walk back into the living room. Barney is standing by the couch, he looks angry. But I know that with Barney, facial expressions are never one dimensional, they're always layered. Beneath this sheath of anger, is something else - fear, and pain. He's upset, and suddenly I see it. The worn look in his eyes, the distraught tone of his voice.

_"_You keep saying you 'can't have a baby' but is there more to that?"

Now that I've seen the layer of pain underneath, I hear the somberness in his voice. I ignore it, I need to be in control here.

"No."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So if Kevin had gotten you pregnant, or Don, or even _Ted_," he says the name of his best friend as if it's a swear word, "you would still opt to abort?"

I stare at him blankly, flustered, this isn't at all where I thought he was going with this. The names of my former interests spark an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Barney, " I can see how bothered he is by this, so I try using a softer tone, "that's a different situation."

"Bullshit." He replies, "You say you 'can't have a baby', but we both know the rest of that sentence is, 'with Barney'. Its not that you can't or don't want to have this kid, Robin. You don't want to have this kid with _me_."

I'm staring at him like a deer in headlights, I had yet to even consider that. I regain my composure, and fire back at him, pissed at how right he is.

"Why is that so terrible? When have you ever showed that you would be anything but a terrible father? I'm not going to consider bringing a child into this world with someone I can't rely on."

The words fall out before I can stop them, and I know he feels the sting of them. Barney chews on the inside of his cheek, mulling over what I just told him.

"If you are doing this because you don't want the kid, you have my full support. But if you're doing this because you think that I won't be there—"

"You say this now!" I cut him off, refusing to hear the rest of his argument.

My head is feeling heavy, my stomach acidic, I can't think clearly. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before speaking again.

"Barney, you say this now. Because right now, this thing, this _baby_, is not here. Its an _idea_. But soon it won't but just an idea. It will be an actual living person, with feelings and problems, and needs. One that cries, and poops, and costs so much to care for. Sure, maybe the idea sounds fun, but I don't want to be the one who has to bear the burden when you decide that its no longer fun and leave."

"I would _never _walk out on my own kid."

I let out an ironic laugh, and I can feel his eyes on me.

"I'm sure you wouldn't." I say sarcastically, "It's not like you are the type of person to walk away when things get tough – _oh wait a second_."

"Robin, I'm not perfect."

I snort out another laugh, he grits his teeth, and continues.

"But, I will love the crap out of that kid."

"How am I supposed to believe that?" I ask, frustrated.

"Because its _our _kid, and I would never walk out on _you."_

I stare at him, and see an earnest look in his eyes.

_"_You're more than just a random girl I knocked up, Robin, you're –" He stops himself.

"—you're my best friend. I am not going to leave you. No matter what you decide, I will support you 100%."

_"Barney." _His name comes out softly, I try and fail at holding back tears.

"_Robin."_ He mimics my tone.

_"_This is crazy, I can't have a baby." The words come out in a whisper, there are tears running down my cheeks. Barney nods and pulls me into a hug. I cry into his chest as I speak, "This wasn't supposed to happen like this. This was not my plan."

Barney's hand strokes my hair, and I'm immediately comforted by it. Part of me hates how safe I feel with him.

I close my eyes, and its there again, the image of Barney and our kid. Our adorable blue eyed son, this time with dark chocolate colored hair. He's wearing blue footie pajamas, and crawling around the apartment. He sees Barney, and his face lights up. Barney picks up our son, and tosses him in the air, eliciting giggles from the baby.

I open my eyes, the vision gone. I pull away from Barney, and wipe my eyes. His blue eyes hold the world, a world I never imagined, and I feel a slight tingle of joy deep within me.

"You really want this? You want this baby?"

_"_I do." His face lights up at the idea, "I think we can do this." He adds.

_Barney and I are having a baby._

I smile at the thought, but my smile quickly vanishes as reality begins to set in.

"I have to tell Kevin."


	5. Blueberry: Confession

**A/N: So I try to update most of my stories every 2 or 3 weeks, but because I've been crazy busy with schoolwork, life and the rewrite, I've really neglected this fic. I've had this chapter written for a while and after a few adjustments I said 'fuck it'. So here it is; also just a warning, this is kind of very angsty and there's some "strong language" (just a couple f-bombs).**

**You know, read, review, enjoy, cry, etc... :) **

* * *

><p>"Robin, is everything okay?" Kevin's dark brown eyes are warm, his black brows furrow in confusion and concern above them. I nod, speechless.<p>

"Um, yeah. Everything is …" I search for the right word, not wanting to lie, but the truth refuses to come up. "...fine."

It's a fib. Not entirely false, but not entirely truthful.

He sees through it, like he always does, and holds my hand in his.

"Is this about what you wanted to tell me on the boat?" He asks.

Kevin's eyes are so inviting, his smile so genuine, his voice sincere. I don't want to hurt him; I don't want to lose him.

"You're the only stable thing in my life right now." I tell him honestly, and he smiles at me. "I just really don't wanna screw it up."

My voice cracks, and the excess of hormones that are drowning my brain wash over me. Tears fall from my eyes and I want to kick myself. Kevin sighs, a sympathetic look in his eyes. He pulls me against his chest, his arms tightening around me.

"Robin, you don't have to worry about that. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

I look up at him through tear stained eyes, "Promise?" I ask, and I don't feel like myself. My voice is not my own, I've allowed the fear of my current situation to cloud my judgment, and change my perception.

He nods, and looks back at me, "Of course. I promise."

I pull myself away from Kevin, and take a deep breath. The words that I know I need to tell him sit on the tip of my tongue. I have to confess to him the reality of the situation, I have to tell him I'm pregnant.

* * *

><p>Later that evening, I walk into the old bar beneath the apartment. Immediately, I see that Barney is sitting at MacLaren's alone, I take a deep breath.<p>

_Come on, Scherbatsky, you can do this._

His face lights up when he sees me, I smile and wave meekly; I join him. Barney holds a Scotch in his hand, and pushes a glass of iced water towards me.

"Thanks." I wrap my shaking hands around the glass, and press it to my lips, emptying it quickly.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Barney continues to smile at me, he's looking at me as if I had just given him the greatest gift of all time. As if agreeing to incubate his child is the best thing I've ever done.

"Did you talk to Kevin?"

"Yeah." I avoid his eyes by playing with the ice cubes at the bottom of my glass.

Mistaking my awkwardness for sadness, Barney places his hand on mine, "Oh, Robin. I'm so sorry."

_Just tell him. Do it quickly, like ripping off a band-aid._

"Um… actually Barney, I—"

"Shhh." Barney places his finger on my lips, "Its okay. I'm not going anywhere."

_Tell him, you coward!_

He continues, "Look, I know things didn't work out between us after the boat incident," His eyes are pained as he recalls my rejection.

_What are you waiting for? You're only going to hurt him more, the longer you wait._

"But," The pain gone from his face, replaced with hope, "This is our chance. I think its going to work this time, because now, its important."

_Quick, before its too late!_

"And once the baby is born, we could—"

"I didn't tell Kevin!"

My voice is louder than I intend it to be. The words shatter the air between us, Barney moves his hand away from mine.

"Oh."

"Barney, I'm sorry, I was going to, I was. But then I remembered what he said, 'just because something needs to be told, doesn't mean it needs to be heard.' And I think this is one of those things."

"I don't think it is. I mean you have to tell him eventually, what is he going to think when you pudge out?"

"I'll tell him when I'm ready. Its not like I'm going to gain twenty pounds overnight."

His bright blue eyes suddenly look dull, beneath the mask he wears, his pain is evident. I see it in the way he smiles at me, the way his posture has changed, and I know I should feel bad, but I can't. I can't feel bad for doing what is right for me.

"So …" He takes a sip of Scotch before continuing, "You want this? You want to stay with Kevin?"

I nod, "He loves me, and I don't want to mess that up."

"By telling him the truth..."

"It's still early, I don't think we should tell anyone."

"Uh-huh." Barney pauses, stirring his drink with his pinky, "What you're saying is that I have no say in this?"

"Why would you?"

"Robin, you're carrying _my_ kid." He lowers his voice, as to not attract attention.

"And that suddenly gives you _ownership_ over my body?" I snap back.

"All I'm saying is, I don't want Kevin poking at my kid when you two have sex."

A noise of disgust leaves my mouth, "You're unbelievable." With my purse in hand, I slide out of the booth.

Barney stands up, following me outside the bar. We stand on the front steps of my apartment.

"Robin, wait."

"No, Barney, I'm done listening to you. Do you wanna know why you don't have a say? Because we _fucked_."

He's taken aback by the force in my tone.

"We fucked, and didn't use a condom. And now I'm pregnant!"

I look up at the night sky to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

_Get it together Scherbatsky, you will NOT cry in front of him again._

"That's all that happened Barney. This doesn't change anything for 'us', there is no 'us'. There is just me, and just you. You don't have to worry about the consequences, because you aren't going to look like a whale in eight months, and your job won't take a back seat, and this won't compromise every single one of your future relationships. You're not going to be milked like cattle for months on end, and you don't have to push a softball sized head out of your vagina! So, no, you don't get a say in who I date, or what I do, because my body is exactly that, mine. I don't want to tell Kevin yet, I want to enjoy what little bit of normalcy I get until my entire life is flipped upside down for _your_ kid. Is that too much to ask?"

Barney takes a step back, "If that's how you really feel-"

"It is."

"Okay. Got it."

He begins to walk away, and I start up the stairs of the apartment. I sigh, angry at myself for letting my hormones get the best of me yet again.

"Barney." I call out reluctantly, and he turns back, watching me from a few paces away.

"I know keeping this a secret isn't going to be easy for you, but please. I need this to be quiet for a little longer." I tell him softly.

He nods, "Sure, whatever you want Robin." His voice is sullen, with a rough edge to it. I wish I could talk to him, but there's nothing left for either of us to say. He heads back to the bar, and I watch the green door close behind him; silently wondering if I just made a huge mistake.


End file.
